Oh hai there.
Remember that time I was really fat (‘07)? And then remember that time I got skinny(ish) (‘11)? Well this - my - damn before/after photo yet again popped up on my Facebook advertisements for a diet pill.
So never, I repeat NEVER, believe those diet companies. I lost every ounce of fat through eating less food (and better food!) and sweating more (wut up running?).
There is no secret code; only you can lose the weight for you; every shortcut you see is crap.
Pretty much the above graph (#s are made up, but they show the pattern) demonstrates my weight predicament the past few months.
Mon – Fri: Eat well, few treats, exercise-exercise-exercise, I am a baller, way to go me,
Sat & Sun: Wahoo! It’s the weekend baby I’m gonna
have me some funeat all the food
So yea, there’s that.
It’s this vicious cycle which happens each, and every week without fail. And then each and every week (without fail) I’m left sitting at my desk Monday morning, declaring “what a rough weekend, this will be a healthy week!” and for the most part? it’s true. I’m pretty on top of my game Monday to Friday when it comes to turning down deliciousness, and hitting the gym, but then come Friday at 5pm? BAMN! It’s like I suddenly think I get to celebrate eating healthy, with booze, treats, and carbs (I’m looking at you fries).
And so my question to myself lately is this; how do I fix this? It’s happened for months and months (wait, years?), and now here I sit, in this broken-record type mode; desiring a change, but wash, rinse, repeat, not doing anything about it.
By changing nothing, nothing changes.
Obviously.
And so I must change something.
Anything.
This coming weekend I’m going to try my best to eat healthy. I’m going to pretend it’s Monday, or Tuesday and when I’m eating out, a salad must be ordered and fries turned down. I’m going to remember the weekends are still real life, I’m going to remember the weekends still count.
I’ve been putting way too much effort in at crossfit, running and my Monday to Friday to let my goals be determined by two days of the week.
This is the week(end) I’m going to change because, as I know too well, if I do what I’ve always done, I’ll get what I’ve always gotten… and I, for one, am sick and tired of complaining about seeing no results.
I believe the word you are looking for is TROOPER. I am a trooper.
I ran in the snow! It was hell and hard and hell and shitty and hard and slippery and did I mention hell? I ran/walked about 1.5km. It was probably because I wanted to a) get home and b) be warm. I really should have opted for the longer pants though.
ps Obviously I am no Picasso with the paint brush… my actual expression is pure self pity.
So here it is… I’m just going to say it. It’s taken me over two months to write a post about this as I think it’s a tad, and by ‘tad’ I mean ‘a-hell-of-a-lot,’ embarrassing… but I’m just going to bight the bullet and let y’all know…
I’ve lost weight before.
Gasp.
O.k there, I said it. It’s done. (oddly enough the world hasn’t, as expected, imploded on itself).
Just as Picasso had his Blue Period and Rose Period, I had my “Boo Yea! I’m Losing Poundage Period” and then “F*ck I Can’t Stop Eating Period.” In the former period I lost 35 pounds from January 08 to June 08. In June, at 165, all hell broke loose and I entered the “F*ck I Can’t Stop Eating Period.” I took on a ‘skinny persona’ and thought I was indestructible. Food wise that is. There was no amount of food I could eat that would make me and my skinny persona gain weight, as duh, now I was a “skinny person”. Wrong! (note: I wasn’t actually anywhere near skinny, but just better than before)
I gained it all back from June to December. Yea… take a moment and think about that one. I was a trooper when it came to eating and sitting. I averaged a gain of 1.4 pounds a week!! I was an eating (and sitting) dominatrix.
I’ve changed a few things this time around, for example I’m not putting my life on hold for the ‘diet’. I still eat out, see friends, sneak a treat once in a while, whereas before I was incredibly strict, I never learnt how to balance eating healthy with real life (which I still haven’t conquered, but I’m moving towards it).
I’m also not doing it in such a hurry this time around and I’m enjoying the journey more. I think that once (note: this will happen) I’m at my goal I’ll have learnt to respect food enough to know that I, no matter my size, am NOT immune to calories.
True Story. (no sarcasm intended)
Recently I’ve received a couple of lovely emails asking me whether I think this blog helps me in my weight loss journey, and if I would recommend starting a blog to someone who is trying to lose weight. I thought I’d post my response…
I wrote my first post on a whim. I was sitting on my bed, had just got back from Cuba and was feeling ugly and fat. I had gained 5! pounds in 1 week and was so miserable and sad. Just before Cuba I had been introduced to tumblr and loved it. I created my own ‘normal’ tumblr and was just browsing random posts when I decided (I have no idea why) to see if the url. “fatty” was taken. Fatty was taken (omigod don’t go there! it’s nude-y photos of large women), but ‘fat’ was free, so I created it and wrote my first post. (Yes, the original site for TPC was fat.tumblr.com, what a nightmare).
After my first post I completely forgot about the site, until two days later when I was bored at work. I signed in to delete it when I saw I had two followers! I was astonished and felt I couldn’t delete it, so I made another post. I posted for a week or two with just the two followers reading (if they even were), but it kept me going knowing someone was reading my story.
I am very grateful to my first two followers for believing in me from the beginning (Thanks AndyMurray! The other guy doesn’t follow me anymore, but I still heart him).
I don’t think I’d have lost 20 pounds if it wasn’t for tumblr, so yes it has helped me immensely and I would highly recommend starting one if you’d like to lose some poundage. I’m not one to count ‘followers’ (I think my other tumblr has about 8 followers and I’m very happy with that), but I can honestly, for the first time in my life, say I’m not worried about hitting my goal weight and I accredit that to each of the people who, perhaps on a whim, clicked ‘follow’ and thus inspired me a little more.
I’ve been in a rut lately. A rut about how I feel about myself, which is the exact opposite of what I thought would happen when I lost some weight. I thought my confidence and self image would increase, but I now feel even more self conscious.
Perhaps because it’s actually quite embarrassing losing weight? You’re not only admitting to yourself ‘Holy Eff, I’m tubby,” but you’re also telling the world, “Holy eff, yes I know I am fat.” It’s just an awkward situation to be in.
I got another comment this morning, “I can see the weight loss in your face,” I guess it was nice of him, but omigod I felt SO awkward when he said that. (note to self: In the future just say thank you and smile, don’t go red and just stare)
I’ve decided to take actions towards thinking of myself better, as nobody (including myself) likes someone who is annoyingly self conscious. For example, I’ve removed the word ‘fatty’ form my graphs and I won’t be Emma anymore, as that’s not my real name (Gasp! Say it aint so!), but simply E, as that is the first letter of my real name. (And I’m trying to be like the cool kids on gossip girl. obvy.)
Despite this little post, I’m in a great mood today (see below), which could only mean one thing. Graph time! Duh.
You: What did you do today E?
Me: Oh you know, the usual. Went shopping, went to a gala at some fancy marble location, then hit up the library and finally whisked myself off to Paris. All in a day’s work. All in a day’s work.
I found my new favourite website (sorry tumblr) where you can virtualize yourself. It’s hilarious, you can find the site here. (Thanks Nettap!!) You actually input your weight, height etc and it apparently creates you.
Past E: This is me at 190 pounds (start). Note how I wear lots of black (true story), wear fabulous heels and go to fancy marble locations while wearing mom-jeans, (apparently online all they have for plus size is ugly. At 190? my jean of choice was still rock & republic jeans)
Present E:I’ve ventured into a little colour and I’m now showing some sexy, sexy leg. I also hang out in libraries. Personally I don’t think I actually look like this, luckily my 2nd chin isn’t that prominent so please take my chin fat and redistribute to my ass to get a better visual of me. Ps I also do NOT wear ruffles or show my arms, or legs for that matter (yet).
Future Fabulous E: Here I am at 125 pounds. One word. Foxy. Ps Why not Paris? Exactly.
I’m in a ridiculously, ridiculously good mood today which is translating into a new found attitude towards my love affair with food. I have no worries that I won’t have a perfect eating and exercise week. I’ll be sticking to my eating plan to the T and I’mhoping togoing totry andrun 5k three times this week.
I’ve been pretty craptacular at posting the last week or two, which you could (and probably should) assume means “Emma fell off the wagon: the food wagon that is,” but never fear! I’m back on and strapped in. I’ll try and keep you updated with my food and exercise thoughts this week. Until then I bid you farewell as holy crap work = busy.
Ps I google imagined “weight loss” as I wanted to add some bling-bling to my tumblr and the above gem popped up. Apparently you can get yourself scanned and then they show you what you’d look like at x, y and z weight. Ummm… it’s a little creepy, but yes please!
