Matt dropped me off at the airport on Sunday afternoon. We hugged. We kissed. We said goodbye. And then I strolled through the airport gates to meet Anna.

One week. That’s all. That’s all our goodbye, our hug, and our kiss was for. One, simple, easy, week.

But in a few months it’ll be forever. I’ll be forced to leave Australia (government visa issues), and Matt will be forced to stay here (he’s locked into school). And if we’re still together then, we’ll say our goodbyes 23 days shy of our one year anniversary.

And we’ll be saying goodbye forever.

It’s hard. Really hard. Being in a relationship with a defined ending. That little, huge fact has forced us to ask and answer huge questions too early on in the relationship. It’s forced us to figure things out, and jump to conclusions before we’re given a fair chance.

It’s awful.

It’s really awful when we think about it. But the rest of the time I believe we’re just like everybody else. Living in the moment. Holding hands, laughing together, teasing the other person, figuring out what they like, how we work together, and what we can never do together (cough shopping cough).

But the mere thought of leaving Matt is so awful I’ve, we’ve, pretty much blocked it out. It’s this huge elephant in our relationship, which we rarely address… we rarely speak about. A month or two ago, as the clock struck an unreasonable hour, I (gross) cried into Matt’s chest as he pulled me in tighter, but we didn’t say a word.  

I mean, what could we say? It’s going to happen, early next year, and then that will be that. I already fear we’ll come out of this broken people, ‘the-world-feels-like-it’s-ended’ posts are sure to hit this screen. And then Matt will be here (pining for me – obviously *if I used emoticons on my blog I’d insert a wink here*). And I will literally be on the other side of the world. It’s going to be absolutely awful and there really is no solution; I miss my family/friends too much, and Matt’s family/friends/life is embedded in Melbourne, and I wouldn’t even allow him to leave school or his family, or do something stupid for me.

It’s simple. Our timing is off.

—-

When I moved to Australia I was confident and full of carefree, easygoing, life-planning, thoughts. And yes, I can’t deny it, a relationship was certainly something I was looking for. And then I met Matt. And it just felt right. So easy. So simple. And as I pretty much loved every second I spent with him, I never really looked back.

But I was stupid. Oh-so-very stupid. I had never actually sat down and thought about how the relationships I would make in Australia would be real. With real people and real feelings.

I was so naïve. So stupid.

Moving to a new country has a whole whimsical-cool-exploring side to it, but what people often fail to mention is that from now on, no matter where I am in this world, I’ll be missing people. Either home: my family & friends. Or Australia: the community, life, friends, and this guy that still gives me butterflies when he texts me.

It’s hard, so hard.

However… part of me thinks that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. I’m not one to let a true love pass me by (I think)…. so maybe it’ll work out. But in the grand scheme of relationships, we’re still *very* new. And then there is the distance. And governments. And embedded lives in opposite cities on the globe… It’s scary. I don’t know what will happen as I sit here in Perth and miss Matt (and it’s only been 4 days!!), but what I do know is that if we go out separate ways (oh God… tears are a-coming), the girl that ends up with him will be lucky. Oh-so-very lucky.

And so for now, in this little, naïve, avoid-the-big-issues world I live in, I pretend it’s me that lives Happily Ever After with Matt, because that’s the only thing I can do, and for now that has to be enough.