Can you tell I recently went through my old laptop and stumbled into a world of photos from my fat-archives? Because I did. I really did (eeegads).
It’s a bizarre thing, looking at a photo of yourself when you were fat. Very odd. I know people never see themselves as other people view them, but I NEVER saw myself being this big. NEVER. I knew I was “slightly over weight,” but I really had no concept of my size, even seeing 200+ between my toes, or walking out of Gap (the most generous department store ever wrt to sizes) because they didn’t have pants that fit me, didn’t force me into having an ‘ah-ha’ moment.
My clothes didn’t fit because they had shrunk, and the scale read 204 because I had just drank a diet coke. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. That was my middle name.
I find this life truly an amazing thing, how we hold the power and ability all along to change our path, yet often don’t realize it. I waited for years (and years) before I finally took action. What was I waiting for? the secret code to weight-loss? (yes!) Someone to do it for me? (yes!) Because I believed it (it being my body) would just fix itself, somehow, someway, it would find a way to be ‘normal,’ without any effort of course? (yes!)
It’s incredible how all along I held the key to all those things. If only I could show my 18 year old self the year I just had, and the things I accomplished… she would have been blown away. Simply blown away.