I’ve hit the awkward phase. The awkward clothing phase that is.  That bitter-sweet clothing phase.

Sweet in the tense that “wahoo! I’ve lost weight and now my clothes aren’t fitting,” but bitter in the sense that “crap, my clothes don’t fit, and I don’t want to spend any money on new clothes because technically I’ll only be wearing them for 1 or 2 months...”

I’m still wearing my original jeans from when I was 200 pounds (see below, size 14).  Granted they were very snug in January, and now? Now, I can now easily pull them down without unzipping (how scandalous), but they simply don’t look attractive anymore (I swear I have a bum, I swear!)

I’m not sure what to do… because living downtown = expensive = budget, and I’m planning on a ONCE-IN-A-LIFE-TIME-SPENDING-PURGE once I’m at my goal weight. Hello NYC, What’s that? You want me to spend ALL my money on new clothes on your bustling streets? Done.Deal.

I’m thinking I’m going to have to lower my clothing standards and not buy any clothes that are bling-bling in the sense of price or designer.  I’ll have to simply buy some solid items for my closet that are cheap and practical, so I’m not wasting money on clothes I’ll only wear for one or two months.

I know what you’re thinking… and yes, yes without a doubt I plan on getting to my goal weight by my 25th birthday (Dec 3, 09).  No hesitation.  I can and will do this.

Reasons I am in such a great rock-star mood

• I did my laundry last night and put my clothes in the dryer on ‘extra hot.’ My pants are still loose despite some shrinkage
• My fridge is filled with ridiculously healthy treats.  I’ve been living on malba-toast and frozen vegetables for the last few days
• I get paid today! (wahoo!) And I get my quarter 1 bonus today (double wahoo!).
• I get my omigosh-is-that-really-for-me? tax return this week
• I’m booking NYC this week with said tax-return moola  
• I ran 6.5k yesterday. Note to self: Do NOT run by the Rogers Centre (baseball stadium) when the Yankees are about to play the Blue Jays. The number of ‘hollas’ I got exceeded 13. 2^nd Note to Self: It is incredible motivation to run through thousands of people (mostly guys). 3^rd Note to self: Blue Jays? Rock.
• Tonight is our big (and fancy) client dinner.  I can hear the little chocolate truffles calling my name.  As to not obsess about them all night (because yes, they’re that good) I will allow myself to enjoy 2.
• The scale? Rocked my world this morning (this is actually the main reason for said great mood). What’s that 163?! Although it dabbled with 161 before settling on 163, which definitely made my heart skip a beat.
• This weekend is a long weekend. Yay for Canada being part of the commonwealth and Queen Victoria giving us a day off for her birthday. I am not sure what plans will occur as there are currently several options, all of which are awesome.
• I’m back to 125. The Pink Cookie? Just wasn’t doing it for me. Sorry friends for changing it (yet again).  It feels good to be home though.
• O.k, so OMIGOD to The Biggest Loser, Tara was ROBBED, although not really because holy-cow-that’s-amazing that Helen lost 140 pounds at 48 years young!! Pink has now won 3 years in a row… this may or may not be a coincidence, but my tumblr background is pink and it’s my favourite colour. Just sayin’

1 hour until I get to skip home and do some serious loads of laundry, tidy my room, prepare a very important letter (that’s long over due) to be mailed, write a long over due email, go food shopping, go for a 5k run, create a delicious healthy dinner, and then enjoy a popsicle while watching Tara (update: Helen) win TBL.

Oh Tuesday night… you’re lucky you have TBL because otherwise you’d be so blah. 

I need a change; a change from my regular posts, something to stop me from thinking about weight, food, fat… 

.

Constantly thinking about losing weight takes its toll on you… I feel inadequate 95% of the day, hence I currently have no desire to discuss weight, but as work is slow I thought I’d do the random-questions-about-me-thing… I know some people don’t approve of these things… so don’t read if you don’t approve. It’s simple people…

1. Do you get easily embarrassed? Yes. No doubt this stems from my weight, but omigosh yes. I’m slowly realizing that, ‘what’s that? People aren’t actually looking at me?’ but I’m very self conscious and therefore get embarrassed very easily.  
2. When you were in school, did you speak up in class? Did you sit in front or the back? In high school I never spoke unless called upon and I went my entire university career NEVER talking to a prof. I regret not speaking up in class, especially as 75% of the time, what I was thinking was the right answer. I sat in the back.
3. If you are in your yard, front or back, what are you most likely to be doing? I would have been sitting with my dogs, but sadly I’ve lost both my dogs in the past year.
4. Do you have a green thumb? Hell to the yes.  I usually grow some type of vegetable every year. This year? Mini cucumbers.
5. Are you a good speller? Sadly no.  My grammar is terrible too.  Until this blog (with the exception of my journal) I hadn’t written since grade 10 English.  I was a math/business kid, not taking English at university is a big regret.
6. What kind of critters are you scared / nervous of? I’m not really scared of ‘critters’ (unless they’re on me), but omigod don’t even get me started on snakes…
7. Do you collect anything? What? Not really… I scrapbook (don’t judge), so perhaps collecting things from my life counts?
8. Have you ever made out in a movie theater? Perhaps… *shifty eyes* - Something About Mary. The boy’s name? Adam Smith. I lost contact with him, last I heard he moved to The States and joined the army.
9. What body part do you wash first? My hair
10. What’s the strangest talent you have? I can do some pretty incredible things with my tongue (and I mean that in a totally non-sexual way).
11. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie all the way, don’t all tubby people?
12. What’s your favorite flavored Pringles? Sour Cream and Onion.
13. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture?  Take the picture.
14. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? My parents never grounded us.
15. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Drive around the block, 20 times if need be. I do not cannot parallel park
16. Have you ever had two dates in one night? No and I don’t think I ever would.
17. Which shoe do you put on first? The right one
18. Did you French kiss before you were 16? Yes, I did. I had my first kiss in 8th grade, I hit teeth with the boy and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
19. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting? No, and I wouldn’t… I heard cow-tipping actually kills the cow…?
20. What do you think about before you fall asleep? I imagine myself skinny and then go through a-day-in-the-life-of… sad, but true.
21. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Sadly, no, hint, hint, nudge, nudge… the spot is still open people.
22. What was your childhood nickname? I refuse to disclose this information, as it may or may not have rhymed with something rude.
23. When is the last time you played the air guitar? Electric, Summer 2007, I was superb.
24. Name something you do when you’re alone that you wouldn’t do in front of others. Sing and/or dance.
25. Do you want to bring sexy back? I’m currently attempting to and it’s going to be damn good; stay tuned.

My head is swirling with thoughts from this past weekend, so much happened that I want to mention…

• I introduced myself to a guy I had already met several times before.  I didn’t recognize him because he had lost 50+ pounds (?) and now looks damn good.  I felt terrible.  My thought process towards him on Saturday night was completely different than last time.  I wanted to get to know him better as a person (as apposed to not even thinking about him last time).   I hated how I thought of him so differently…  It made me realize lots of people must have overlooked me in the past because of my weight…
• At the risk of sounding conceited, I noticed a huge difference in the attention I got from guys this past weekend (as apposed to 25+ pounds before).  I’m not sure if it’s because of the weight loss, or because I had more confidence, but there was a big difference.  When people first saw me I felt their eyes look into mine longer than usual and I was asked several times to bust out my (phenomenal) moves on the dance floor.  It felt weird to get attention.
• I witnessed a guy absolutely let loose on a girl whose bachelorette party it was.  He did not know her.  Lines such as “you f*cken fat cow, go lose some weight” were the tame side of his fit.  His girlfriend (who must be size double zero) just stood there and watched. I felt terrible for the soon-to-be-bride, and was shocked his girlfriend didn’t say anything…
• I went shopping on Saturday for a new dress and despite the weight loss (thus far) am still in the ‘L’ or ‘XL’ zone. Bollocks
• I tried to eat healthy this weekend (or at least put limits on the unhealthy things), but alas I’m pretty sure I still gained weight (cough the-scale-said-166-this-morning cough).  It’s scary how you can eat well 5 out of the 7 days in a week, but those 2 bad days will make the rest of the week irrelevant.
• This coming week needs to be a vegetable fulled week of deliciousness.  Remember… I need to be in the 150s for June 6… eeeeek I.Can.Do.It.