I don’t get stressed. But oh-boy, oh-boy I am stressed right now. (so. yup. I suppose I can’t say “I don’t get stressed,” then can I?) And it’s awful-awful. So much to do. So little time. And what is that annoying feeling in my stomach? Be gone anxiety! Be gone! I fly to New Zealand tomorrow at 6:30pm and I work (yes, work) up until 3pm And right now my eyes feel so heavy, because I’m so tired… In hindsight? yea… the 6:45AM CrossFit was good for my ass, but awful for my productivity. Nap. I want a nap. Coffee. I need coffee. Stat. And more time please. That’d be nice. Y’know, to be able to stop time. Does anyone remember Out of this World? Just me? Coo life. And then the subletter who is staying in my room while I’m roaming The NZ, asked to move in tonight. EARLY. And as I’m a push over, I said yes – THE WORST. Why Liz, why?! I had high hopes of painting my nails ‘n curling my hair, but that looks like it won’t happen. And that makes me sad. And will New Zealand be cold, or hot, or hot AND cold, maybe raining. Probably all of the above? I am also feeling weird about the whole Melbourne 1 year thing Fun fact: last year this time I was in the AIR on my way from Toronto to Melbourne (man, planes blow my mind so much). Oh. And. I have been mastering paleo eating at home. But not so much when eating out. But shhhhh, we shall not speak of that. And I went to CrossFit four times last week, yet considered myself lazy Gotta get over that. And holy hell why am I stressed. Someone make it go away.
The first time I really ever saw Melbourne (besides online image searches) was when I was sitting on the couch with my parents watching the Australian Open. Between matches, they would zoom out and show Melbourne. And they’d let the viewers on the other side of the world know it was Australia Day in Melbourne; January 26, 2012: and my dad looked over at me and grinned, “you’ll be there next year this time." I was horror struck. This city on my TV, this city on the other side of the world; oh good God, what had I done?
And now it’s that day, but one year later. And here I sit, in Melbourne Australia, feeling at home. I’ll save most of what I have to say for a “[holy sh*t] One Year In Melbourne Post,” but being in Australia this past Saturday actually blew my mind. Because I did it, I decided I wanted to live somewhere for a year (see bucket list for proof), and actually got to put a line through that bullet point. Damn it feels soooo good to knock off a life-long dream and know, without doubt, I’m capable of starting with nothing, and finding everything in the matter of a year.
Happy Australia Day, & Australia, thank you.
I started the day off with a little CrossFit action.
G to the Day ma mateys, arrrrr (<— an Australian Pirate). And how are we today? Cold? Nonsense, it’s reaching 35C today. Tehehehe I only type this because my Facebook news feed is like The Weather Channel right now. Minus their music, of course. (And I’m sorry I’m not sorry I wrote “tehehehe”).
Anywho, the bad news bears visited me on Tuesday and I lost my wallet. Or it was stolen. I am freaking out, freaking out am I. Not because of the $300 cash I had just withdrawn, or because I won’t have access to any bank accounts (Canadian or Australian), but because my driver’s license is in my wallet and I need to rent a car next Wednesday in New Zealand. Gah. That’s all I can say on this topic due to freaking out purposes.
Soooo-wa, to give you a little inside look into the behind the scenes of this blog, I thought I’d share that I am constantly writing things down. Weird thoughts. Odd ideas. Fun facts. Cool things I see. My notepad on my phone is packed with ideas for blogging, or simply notes for myself. And as I feel a little behind on the good old blog these days, I thought I’d update you on the last week’s notes.
Did you hear McDonald’s in Australia has officially changed its name to “Macca’s.” I had never heard the term before setting foot down under, but I gotta admit, it’s useful & catchy, and good for McDonald’s for embracing it. Also, Burger King is “Hungry Jacks” on this big old island. The more you know.
Can we please take a moment to discuss Sean, The Bachelor? Wait, actually the girls on The Bachelor. I feel like getting picked for the show would be such a compliment because lesbehonest, they are hot-hot-hot, and I totally only watch it to watch them. Also, I hate how I’m now older than most of the ladies on there. But whatever, I’m still cool, I’m still cool.
New Zealand on Wednesday!! Oh hell yes. I am pumped! So pumped, in fact, I used the word pumped. I’m heading there with my roommate from when I hiked to Base Camp Mt. Everest, we’re pretty hilarious together (oh whatever, it’s the truth) so I am really excited for the good times sure to come.
AND. I may or may not (re: may) have a slightly new life plan. I’m staying in the Melbizzle until about mid-May, then London for a university friend’s wedding (weeeeeeeeeeeee), and then a week in Paris (ooh la la), and then home. Lucky me!
Happy Endings is actually really good. As is Downton Abbey (tear), Girls, Modern Family, and oh-so-many-more. Yarrrrrr tis true (<— the pirate is back), I am a sucka for TV.
I have to admit something. Since I started The CrossFit on May 6, 2012 this week marks the least number of times I’ve gone (once) and that’s including when I went to Perth. Why? Oh, it’s a drawn out, really long story, and I wouldn’t want to bother you with it. FINE. I just didn’t want to. There. I said it. Actually, I’ve been REALLY lazy this week. Just not caring. It’s weird. I don’t know. But what I do know is I’ve gained weight and my room is SO MESSY right now. Life = fail.
Australia Day Saturday; pret-ty excited for this. And to see Matt. I haven’t seen him in forever (aka Monday).
I went to an amusement park last Saturday night and, did I tell you? I sold my (old-only-one-underwire) bra for $50 to a bachelor party. Then today I bought a shiny, sexy, new one for $40. WINNING.
Things I have done this week: Drive-in movie with Matt. It was $8.50 and so much fun. I am converted!
And, played tennis(!). In honour of the Australian Open a tennis club near my work was offering free “cardio tennis” so I went on Wednesday despite sucking at tennis. AND? Turns out I don’t suck that much AND turns out it was a lot of fun.
The Victoria Night Market where I chose what I wanted, not what was best for me, and as a result found the best burrito I have ever eaten anywhere ever.
I hit one year on Instagram (Fabulizzles). I got it right before I moved to Melbourne and am quite excited to turn it into a book as I think it’s a perfect collection of most of my fav memories.
Ok. Cool life. I started this post this morning around 9am, and now it’s 11:51 pm. Damn life getting in the way of blogging (but what my babies want, my babies get, thus, I pushed through).
UPDATE: wallet found - left it at a restaurant Tues eve. PHEW.
You’re supposed to learn something in every relationship you have; learn what you like; what you don’t. Learn a little bit more about yourself, or how to compromise. You get an in-depth look into another someone’s life, and through that, get to better understand your own.
It’s no secret I haven’t been in many relationships. Matt is my first real (non-asshole) one (hush, he kinda doesn’t know this #embarrassed), so this last year has been this incredible journey of learning; about him & myself. I’ve learned so many things ranging from little to big; how I deal with situations, how independent I actually am; how to compromise and give… but just shy of reaching one year with him, I can truly say the thing I learned most happened on our first date.
Matt took me to the beach on our first date.
The beach. The place of sunshine, the ocean, and, ummm, not much clothing. I was petrified. Surely this cute Australian guy wouldn’t want to be seen with me, a one-piece-extra-weight-very-white-Canadian me? Surely.
I remember I wore a strapless dress that day. On purpose, of course. I could then lay on the beach and tan without being in my bathing suit. Phew. And then there we sat. Just him and I. The sun beaming down on us as temperatures reached nearly 45C (113F).
And eventually, just as I had lay in bed the night before and worried, he said those dreaded words, "let’s go for a swim." I froze. Excuse, I need an excuse. Anything. Somebody. Help! But I let out a little “okay,” and removed my dress as elegantly as possible, and sucked in so hard as I exposed my one-piece and bulging belly to him. I made sure I followed him into the water to, ummm, ensure he didn’t see my cellulite; my jiggle; my self-imposed worth.
And so we waded up to our waists and hovered. I hardly breathed as I was pulling my stomach in so hard. Every now and again I would dive under the water so he couldn’t see my body. And I kept thinking how astonishingly kind this man was. How kind he was to be with me. Fat, jiggly, one-piece-wearing, me.
I couldn’t tell you a thing about our conversation that afternoon, but I remember my emotions so well. I remember skipping breaths to suck in, and I remember feeling sorry for him, sorry for this man stuck with me.
Now fast forward a few months. After our first kiss. After the ‘I love you’s. And the honeymoon phase. We were driving back to my place from his, sitting at a red light next to the Yarra River and I, for whatever reason, mentioned that first date.
And he looked at me and smiled, "you know, all I remember about that first date is how much I wanted to kiss you. When we were lying on the beach. And then in the water. My God, in the water. And you kept going under, but all I wanted to do was grab you and kiss you."
I’ll never forget those words. They changed me.
They proved how wrong I was that day. And made me realize how many other times I’ve probably been wrong. They made me see how I torture myself, hate myself, when others don’t even notice me.
Being overweight makes you self-obsessed. It gives you this complex that everyone is looking at you. Judging you. That everyone cares about you. When, in fact, I’ve come to realize that that is complete bullshit.
It’s a lesson I’ll never forget, and something I try to work on everyday; To live in the moment, to engage and to not be so negatively self-obsessed. Umm Liz, nobody cares. It’s easier said than done, of course, but I’ll always be so thankful for Matt for showing me just how crazy and wrong my self-conscious self is.
I went to bed late last night & woke up early; tired. And my work day? bus-y. I left my beautiful, healthy Paleo lunch in the fridge (see? tired) And for some reason, and the first time in a long time, I said “screw it”
And then lo and behold today was the day my office celebrated January’s birthdays. (there’s always something, isn’t there?)
Which meant I ate: Two pieces of chocolate cake A muffin A handful of chips A brownie Another brownie Crackers & dip Fruit (grapes & a nectarine) Starbursts And a large chocolate milk
And this was all before 11am. Efffffffff. And I felt sick, and awful, and most of all guilty. And I became so angry at myself for wanting one thing (skinnyness) Yet doing another (eating my face off)
I consciously decided to skip a real lunch due to the above And felt like a complete, useless, failure at my desk all day
And then as I was leaving work to head to CrossFit, I grabbed a handful of Starbursts to sooth my sad soul Messed up, isn’t it?
How badly I want to lose weight And yet when I looked at that brownie I chose it, over me. Ugh. What is wrong with me?
But with today’s bad, came a little good. Because after CrossFit a few of us headed to Melbourne’s outdoor night market And by this time, I was hungry. And instead of letting this morning’s actions dictate me, I chose wisely; I chose me.
I don’t know why I write this to you, As I promised myself I’d tell no one. (because, embarrassing much?) I suppose to remind those going into their Wednesday, January 16th, 2013 day, to make the right decision; choose yourself, not the brownie.
Because take it from somebody who did, who’s now falling asleep on the other side of the word filled with guilt & regret, it really wasn’t worth it.
It needs to be said (well not really “needs” per se, but I’m gonna say it anyways), I’m not a huge makeup person. True, I used to be, way-back-when, when a knee-high kilt graced my knees each day at school, but now? At the ripe old age of twenty eight? Most mornings I just can’t be bothered. Sleep > Looks. (I know, 16-year-old Liz would gasp! But then again she wore blue eye shadow and butterfly clips in her hair, so she loses.)
But that all being said, I LOVE makeup. I love trying new things, and trying out new colours. I love upping the dark eye shadows when I’m tanned, and playing with neutrals in winters. And although I don’t wear makeup that often (2/7 days is a good week for me) I wanted to share my 5-Minute-Lazy-Girl’s eye-makeup.
Why? Because us gals who love sleep more than prep gotta stick together.
Firstly, the above “after look” is my va-va-voom-out-on-the-town-smise-wannabe look. I would not wear these colours to work; but I still do the exact same routine/technique for work, just with a different (lighter) palette of colours.
Here my very pro-fesh tips (ha! I feel rather silly doing this, but it really only takes 5 min):
Trust the colours grouped together in the palette. Always & forever. I never mix palette colours as I figure the dudes sitting in offices must have grouped those specific colours together for a reason.
Usually there is a very light/white colour in the palet. I use my finger and put that baby right below my eyebrows. I was going to post a photo of this - but you couldn’t even see the white under my brows. But IRL I really think it helps make my eyes look bigger.
I then put the darkest eye shadow colour (and yes, I use black) right along my lids. I use a brush for this. I’m not too picky about this - I just brush it on all along the top of my eyelashes and cover about 90% of my lid.
Then I take the middle colour in the palette and gently match up the white (at the top) to the black (at the bottom). I really do find 90% of colour palettes work well for this - as the colours are meant to go together.
(If too much makeup is on, I evenly use my fingers to shade it in - my finger picks up the extra makeup).
EYELINER <— my lover. When I travelledSouth East Asia the only two makeup items I packed with me were my eyeliner & mascara (see proof of this here). I LOVE LOVE LOVE eyeliner. And yea, I put it on a weird part of my eye - ABOVE my bottom lashes. Yup, it’s that wet part of your eye, but I find the eye liner stays on and it makes my eyes POP! (I use pencil liners)
And lastly, but importantly, mascara. I am a sucka for all things Dior and am obsessed with their Diorshow Black. Although, sometimes I just buy whatever is on sale and hope for the best - it’s often hit or miss.
And finally? ta-da!
A: Eyeshadow Done! B: Eyeshadow before mascara/eyeliner
c: the difference of eyeliner d: Eyeshadow, Mascara & eyeliner - Done & done!
And then for reference, as I find these zoomed in photos scary, here’s one with my pearly whites.
Note: I am not a model (duh) and my eyes look koo-koo in some of the pics - I’m sorry I’m not sorry.
In the past few weeks I’ve read a lot of "I’m not a resolution person" posts, so much so I felt a little weird writing this out, but the truth is, I am. I love goals. And I do well with goals. So, me being me, wanted to do a post on goals.
But first, let’s talk about the past few years’ goals:
On October 21st, 2009 I declared I wanted to run a “full marathon.” I still remember the fear & excitement as I typed that post up.
In 2010 I joined a marathon running club and became very dedicated to my marathon training schedule. Something just clicked: if you set a goal, you have to, ummm, actually get off your ass and do something to achieve it.
Running was not my priority this year, but rather CrossFit was.
I was terrified of CrossFit at first and knew absolutely nothing about it, but joined it anyways (go me!)
And I went from hoping I’d go at least 3 times a week, to rarely going less than 5 (again, go me!)
I became addicted to CrossFit (seriously, I am) and in the span of 9 months went from not being able to squat properly, to doing front/back squats, snatching, rowing, double unders, pull/push ups, etc.
So, to summarize:
2009 – Started Running
2010 – Obsessed with running
2011 – Obsessed with running
2012 – Obsessed with CrossFit
And 2013? The year of balance.
(After a lot of thought) here are my formal 2013 goals:
Marathon < 5 hours: This is self explanatory; Chicago 2013 - who’s in?
Paleo-Eating: Master eating a primal lifestyle at least 80% of the time. Have two strict months of paleo eating this year (like last September)
CrossFit: Continue CrossFitting at least 4 times/week (I’ll be joining the Liberty Village Reebok CrossFit in Toronto) and do at least one hand-stand this year. (I’ve never in my life done a hand stand!)
Lose Weight: I don’t want to run another marathon over weight (or do CrossFit either). It’s just silly and makes the whole process a lot harder. I’m not aiming to hit “125” this year, but I’m definitely aiming to be in the 140s.
Travel: My desire to travel has significantly decreased (or at least, my desire to do big, epic trips has), so I really want to make sure that, despite wanting to stay put, I enjoy New Zealand & Australia’s East Coast. I am so fortunate I get to travel, and chances are this will be my last go-as-I-please travel experience, so I need to sit back, relax & enjoy it.
Toronto: I’m pretty terrified of Toronto. Moving home after nearly 2 years away seems like a one-way ticket to rut/depression-ville (cough missing Matt cough). My goal is to ensure this does not happen. Toronto will be what I make it; and I want to make it great - but I know this will take a lot of work.
Do you have any 2013 goals? Want to join me in my quest for a sub-5 marathon? A little weight loss? Or to eat paleo strictly for a month? Let me know!
The day I woke up at 7:48am. My bus for work leaves at 7:41am; panic. I threw on a dress, grabbed my CrossFit gym clothes and I ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth (no time to pee!). I was out the door at 8:00 on the dot; Phew. Okay. I can still make this work. THEN. I called my boss and left a message apologizing about my failed alarm and informing him I’d be there soon.
The moment I hung up, something clicked. Today is Saturday, right? Right. Shit. And now I am back in bed and wishing I hadn’t left that awkward voice-message for him, and had actually got to enjoy my sleep in.
Well aren’t y’all looking dapper on this warm, summer Friday arvo? Hush children. Hush. Minor details it’s the dead of winter and/or night in your neck of the woods and you don’t speak Australian (arvo = afternoon).
Oh, why am I so chipper, you ask? Perhaps because the scale gods beemed their little battery hearts up at me this morning, and I was down in weight (high-five!).
But the best part? It’s been NATURAL. (Editor’s note: I’m pretty sure the word ‘natural’ has never been typed through my fingers onto this blog. I tend not to do natural. I tend to do, ‘obsessed’ & ‘crazy’ when it comes to losing weight). It’s a brilliant change from the good old days (aka a mere month or two ago) and I’m rather excited about my natural desire to eat Paleo food (What is Paleo?) and how I seem to figuring out the whole “balanced lifestyle” thing you hear so much about. Also, when I do mess up, I get right back to paleo, it’s no biggie, it’s all cool, it’s all cool. Onwards and downwards!
This past week went by soooooo fast. It was my first full working week after Christmas/New Years festivities and it felt good to be back in a routine. It felt good to be back earning the big bucks (bahahah. false), and going to CrossFit each and every night (What is CrossFit?).
Also, in a shocking and welcomed turn of events, I actually had a social life this week. (Go me!) I ate out three times and managed to stay relatively primal (a few of my favourite things snuck in; I’m looking at you wine & cheese), but I’m very happy with how I didn’t overdo anything.
Part of me feels like this post is jinxing me, but I have a good rhythm down these days, and my stress level, or whatever it is, in regards to ‘MUST LOSE WEIGHT NOW ’ has significantly decreased. I still really want to lose weight (duh), but I’m prepared to let it happen naturally, over time, while still living & enjoying life.
And for the first time, in a long time, I think it’s not only definitely going to happen, but it’ll be natural, and perhaps even (dare I say it?) enjoyable.
In a shocking turn of events Chris wrote something I couldn’t agree more with; “Chub-Rub" is for the fit ‘n famous too (not just tubby folks)! Oh, and ladies (and sure, men too), I highly suggest you follow him as he’s got some serious “thighscrapers” and writes like a poet in a meadow, while running the streets of NY, yet eating food that would go straight to my ass (fine. whatever. it’s true. i’m just jealous).
And after my shower tonight I took a pencil, and did my “do-i-have-a-good-bum?” experiment. Oh c’mon, you know the one… the one where you stand nak-id, and see if the curvature of your bum can hold a pencil horizontally. Well… MINE CAN! Athankyouverymuch CrossFit // UPDATE: Apparently the pencil should NOT stay. Oh jeesh. Oh jeesh. So this is awkward….
Speaking of CrossFit…. I GOT MY FIRST BAND KIPPING PULL-UP TONIGHT!! (Actually, I got 80 of them) YAY! This will mean nothing to non-CrossFitters, but basically I am a HUGE step closer to earning (in the far off distance) a real pull-up. It was soooooo exciting. Like, I can’t believe how genuinely happy I am from this. Think, weirdly grinning to myself on the tram, happy.
Oh, and I have to wave frantically, and jump up and down for the lovely Miss (soon to be Mrs) Veronica! She got engaged today and I couldn’t be happier for her. I have a serious girl crush on her, and I double dog dare you to find someone who is more beautiful (& lovely) (& talented). Didn’t think so.
Matt (for those who aren’t paying attention, my boyfriend) gave me an epic kiss today. I briefly met him between work & CrossFit, and then BAMN! On the street, as we were saying our goodbyes, he pulled me in and gave me a kiss I am still thinking about now.
I’m thinking of heading to a real, live, outback, Australian ranch for a week. Y’know, to move some cows from point A to B. I mentioned this to some friends and was shocked and appalled they didn’t share my enthusiasm for the trip. It shall be EPIC.
Today on my tram I was thinking about how mind-boggling amazing: cameras, videos, airplanes, and glass are. Just me? Cool life.
Yup, if you’re following along. My commute is this: walk, bus, train, walk | walk, train, tram, walk. 1h each way. Jealous? Knew it.
I have a (not-so) secret obsession with Instagram. I just like how it allows you to document little (& big) key moments in your life, all neatly there, on a screen, for you to collect. (Username: Fabulizzles —> let’s tango!)
Have you met Emily yet? Or Laney? You should follow them. They are fabulous. I’ve never met either of them, but have been following their lives for years now. (Emily: 5) and (Laney: 6, wait 7?). Blogging is an incredible thing… isn’t it? I really feel like I’m BFFs with them just from logging into their sites every day and getting glimpses into their lives. *cue: bear hug Internet*
The Bachelor is back (not even embarrassed) and The Biggest Loser is doing CrossFit!! Oh hell yes!!
Funny the difference a day makes. Today was damn good.
I am always amazed at the kindness of people; the kindness of strangers. I find when I’m a hot mess, and usually at a ridiculous hour of the night, I like to write. And then for some terrible reason, I hit ‘publish.’ And then I wake up, and for a moment in time am fine, but then I remember, and subsequently forget to breathe. I then lay in bed and want to hide from the world; embarrassed for posting my thoughts the night before.
But this morning my email was filled with kindness, love and support. From people, strangers, around the world. People who took the time to share stories, tips, and advice. I am humbled and touched so many people care about me, and feel lucky and fortunate I have the opportunity to share my life/journey/shenanigans with people all over the world.
Thank you so much to everyone who listened, responded, or commented. I feel so touched this morning. And at this moment in time I really do feel like everything will be okay.
i was. am. in a bad mood tonight. finding an inch thick stream of ants in your kitchen (again) will do that to you. it was so disgusting. and i got annoyed; mad. mad at everything, mind you. and i carried that mood back to my room and onto the phone with matt. i was a bitch. about what? i don’t even know. and then to my roommate for leaving food out. rarely i involve myself in household ‘fights.’
and then in a huff i went on facebook. and. well. that was a stupid move. as i just aimlessly clicked around and felt so blah about my own life. sad about my own body…
and i am so torn whether i should stay, or go. i really don’t know. matt doesn’t want me to stay for him. and he’s right. i can’t. won’t. stay for a guy, that is. but i want him to fight for me. i know, it’s awful, isn’t it? i’m such a girl. but he can’t. he won’t. and i’d have to stay for the city, for my life. not him. but as we discussed on the phone i don’t really have a big community here. no one (besides matt) to call when i’m walking home to tell them about my day. no one to to share funny stories with over a text message late at night.
sometimes i feel lonely. often, actually. but then maybe everybody does at times. ?. it’s shitty. there is no right decision. i just have to decide.
at work today katie randomly turned to me and asked, ‘if you could be anywhere in the world right now, at this very moment, where would you go?" and within the second I knew I’d be here, on a horse north of toronto with my sister.
and tonight i cried. and felt so stupid for it. but in hindsight, i needed it. a part of me feels like i messed up my life by leaving toronto. that’s probably the hardest thing i’ve ever had to admit. like. for the next one or two years, when (if?) i move back to toronto all i’ll be trying to do is get back to the point i was at prior to my trip; the good paying job, the nice apartment, the group of friends, the running, my body. jeesh, i feel so stupid admitting this.
but it’s weird. despite being worried about that, i wouldn’t change anything in the past year and a half. like, i’d definitely still leave toronto, and still move to melbourne. i suppose it’s my brain f*cking with me lately as i try to figure stuff out. (and i can only assume as april approaches it’ll get worse; i apologize in advance for that.)
sometimes i think of my 8-year-old self, the one who looked up to twenty-something-year-olds with big, brown eyes of amazement, would be so disappointed in my life. i thought all those girls had their shit together. and i remember getting excited to grow up, and have money, a boyfriend, and some big, adult life. I distinctly remember having it all figured out. and now i’m 28 and i feel more lost than i did at 21. so yup. there’s that (to you the reader). or this (to me, the girl behind the screen; the girl with ants in her kitchen).