And the clock strikes midnight. The calender flips.
It’s here. My Birthday. December 3rd, 2013.
I’ve been dreading this day for about seven months now.
This day was the mental deadline in my head.
It was the “you better have got your shit together” deadline I gave myself the past few months.
The thought of this day arriving and knowing I was still struggling like I was a few months ago made me cringe…
Because my God, the difference a year makes.
A year ago today I was employed, paying rent, had lots of friends, was working out nearly every day, had a boyfriend I thought I would marry, and lived in Melbourne, Australia.
365 simple, yet life changing days ago.
My God, the twists and turns life takes.
And now here it is, December 3rd, 2013. My deadline.
Twenty eight was a hard year. A learning year.
A roller coaster of major highs and then major lows.
I traveled Australia, New Zealand, Paris, Amsterdam, London, New York City, and Chicago.
I ran my fourth full marathon.
I went through my first very real break up.
I said goodbye to a lot of friends.
And I moved back home and fell into a slight depression/rut.
Emotionally? it was draining.
Even as I type this I feel tired from the past seven months.
Tired of wishing, hoping, trying and failing.
Twenty eight was really hard.
In a few years I’ll probably be thankful for this past year.
Hindsight is a glorious thing, and I’m sure this past year will have ultimately made me a better, stronger, wiser person, but right now I am still really confused, hurt, and tired.
That all being said, and as I posted a few hours earlier, things are looking up.
The only birthday present I wanted was to get this amazing job I’ve been praying for since October.
Today I got it.
My God, the difference a day makes.
Because suddenly I am so excited for the next 365 days.
One simple, life changing email, has suddenly given me hope.
And suddenly I am filled to the brim with excitement for my 29th year.
Life and time and this journey we’re all on is truly so incredible.
How we all fumble and bumble along choosing the best adventure we can at that specific moment in time.
This past year was filled with decision making.
Decisions I constantly questioned.
Decisions that made me feel lonely and sad.
I was supposed to have my shit together by today.
That’s what I’ve told myself since my plane landed back in Canada.
But really, how stupid of me.
Over the years I’ve found that life is a series of ups and downs, which slowly form a direction and path.
Everyone, absolutely everyone, encounters obstacles and challenges, that they have to figure out to move forward in their lives.
And they overcome them slowly.
Day by day.
As they work towards their goals, hopes, dreams.
As they work towards the next phase in their lives.
Change is so scary. But the thing I’ve come to realize is this:
If my life was exactly how it was on this day last year, and then next year, and then ten years from now, I wouldn’t be happy either.
Change is inevitable because change has to happen.
Change is living life.
My life changed drastically from twenty eight to twenty nine as my traveling, young, care-free phase came to an end, and I realized the importance of the next phase in life.
When I realized the importance of family, the monday to friday thing, a house, routine… stability.
Twenty eight was a major transition year for me.
It was phenomenal at times.
And it was terrifying, sad and lonely at other times.
But it was a year of change, and it had to happen for me to look forward to the next adventures I find myself in.
Next adventures like starting a new job on Monday(!).
Moving out in January.
And creating a new life for myself in Toronto.
I am so ready to say goodbye to twenty eight.
And as I drift off to sleep in 3.2 seconds, I am so ready to wake up to my first day of twenty nine.
Excited and ready to see what the next 365 days has in store for me.
Because after the past few months… bring it on.
This is my 5th birthday with a blog. Ummm… WOW!
25th Birthday - Toronto
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28th Birthday - Melbourne